yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
