HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
