You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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