now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
