apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
