i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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