He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
