my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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