Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
