There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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