your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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