Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
