Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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