i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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