i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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