if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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