You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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