I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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