i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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