i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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