I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
