Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
