Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
