I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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