the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
