Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
