whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
