I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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