haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
