My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
