Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you traded sex for a burrito?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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