pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
