Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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