his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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