There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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