trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
