Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We're too hungover to prance.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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