Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So squirting runs in the family.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
