If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
