Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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