I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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