I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
