who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Randomize
