Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
