very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
