Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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