just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
God, I missed his penis.
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