oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
