So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
