Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
