Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
