this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
