Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
